i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
