I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
