I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
