did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
