hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
