You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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