Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
