Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
