Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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