last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
