I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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