My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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