You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
