I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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