i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
