it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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