Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
