Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your cock deserves a montage
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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