I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
