I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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