i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want nice things and good sex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
