Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Less talking, more tequila
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
