Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
