i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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