Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
