Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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