So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
