make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
