we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
