your parents love me but you hate me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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