And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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