Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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