Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
