just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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