I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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