You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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