you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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