My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
