seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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