you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
