..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
