i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
