I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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