And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
