Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
