Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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