3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
