tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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