We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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