This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
