I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
